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Thursday, November 1, 2007

My feeling at the time of being a mother

After spending 15 days like this, I return to my native place and joined my job. Then I came to know that I am pregnant and going to be a mother soon. I was happy and at the same time little upset because I do not want to get trapped in motherhood so early because I wanted to spend some quality time together and enjoy married life and understand him so that our coming life can become happier and this cannot be done in this situation in initial stages of marriage. Then we informed him about it and also told him that this is very bad on his part to do it without my willingness as I always used to tell him to be protective but he always forgot about it because of his take it easy attitude and uncaring attitude. One day he called me and said that I have informed my family about your pregnancy so that they do not think that I have brought this child in dowry (i.e. I had a baby before marriage and have given born to this child after marriage). After hearing this I was shocked and thought what kind of person he is, how can he think like this and say to his newly wedded wife. This means he is having doubt on me that may be I had a baby before marriage with someone else and telling him that she is his child. How can this person be so insensitive. But what can be done now, when we are married we have to live together the whole life and try to find happiness with this man. Day by day he has started making me feel sick with him and I started losing respect and love in him. I was feeling very happy about my pregnancy and feeling a baby growing inside me day by day, sometimes suffering and sometimes pleasure in being a mother very soon, but whenever I go for usual checkup, I see people come with their hubby but I have to go with my mummy because he is not here with me. I have always imagined that when I will be pregnant, my husband will take care of my every needs, give me all care and emotional support a woman needs at that time but I was not so lucky to have it and feel those moments of togetherness which remains a memory for the rest of my life. Before a week of my due date, he came to stay with me then also he is eager to have physical intimacy with me which is not at all possible. Then the day has come for which we were waiting for so long. I have got admitted in hospital at night and delivered a sweet baby girl the next day in morning. We all were very happy except my husband because one Baba has told him that he will get a baby boy but here it is a baby girl. Then we make him understand that do not worry whatever it is, he should wish for the well being of the baby and not differential between them because now girl is not at all behind boys. After spending two days in hospital we came back home and then after one week he went back to his home, but I cannot go with him because there is nobody who can take care of me and the baby and its better we should live with my family for 2 or 3 months so that I may be able to take care of the baby alone.

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