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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Initial days of marriage

I had taken 1 month leave from my office for marriage so we had little time to spend together and we have to go my husband’s place then return and from there we have to go to Vaishno Devi and return and then again to my husband’s place. I went to my husband brother’s place next night of my marriage by train. All the rituals have been done and I stayed at his home. Next day we plan to go to my husband’s house to live because at this home there is no separate room but my husband has not planned anything there, not even decorated the room because he thought that we will go there next day but we do not have time because next night my family has to come as we have to celebrate reception the other day so we thought today is the only day when we both can spend some time together and know each and understand the feelings. Our first night so horrible which i havenot even imagined in my life and thought that it might have never came in my life. That was very much distressing for me and i even celebrate it as my black day. Then we went out, there he was talking about his pressure from his family at the time of marriage and other things. Then I had also explained about my family situations that this is the first marriage in our family so my parents did not knew much about all the things and have done according to their knowledge and what the relatives have suggested. He showed that he can understand these things and will never blame my parents for the mistakes which he think that they have done but I know they were never wrong in doing anything at the time of marriage, but why to argue with a person who is not even trying to understand anything and justify all his beliefs. So, I thought let it go now as nothing can be done, so we should forget and start a new life together. Again we left for my husband’s home to spend time with him. There he has started doing the same things again and again i.e. every night physical relation without my consent and never tried to make me happy emotionally, I was not happy in having physical relation with him because I always feel that he is only interested in his desires and feelings and has no concern for what I feel about it and what I need.